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Random Blog Quotation
~Adam, in reference to 'creative' design
Social Networking
So, I haven't written for a while... er... okay, I haven't written in over a year. I'd apologize to those who read this, but I think that would lead to only aggravate the issue at hand. While I consider this blog to be a public piece, I always wrote it for me, because I had something to say.
At some point, I lost sight of that. The blog became more about being entertaining and getting an ego-boost from hearing people bring things I'd written about to me, as opposed to me writing for me. So, no apologies, lest I exacerbate my own eccentricities.
Okay, with that unpleasantness out of the way, on to the content!
The House, Pains and Pleasures
For those who didn't read my Livejournal entry (who am I kidding, I'm sure you all read it) about housing, we made an offer on a house. (We also now live there, but I'll get to that.) This took some doing, as Elana and I both have very distinct tastes. They definitely cross, but the intersection is a very specific style and it took weeks of searching to find the house that matched.
The following 5 months were entertaining, as this house was a short sale and it's ownership seemed to be in question. Our first hurdle was securing a mortgage. We had hoped to get the favorable terms of an FHA loan; but, that's impossible. Why, you ask? Because the house had peeling paint, which may or may not be lead based (most likely not). This, apparently is a deal-killer for FHA loans, which only consider well painted homes. Perhaps they frown on siding, too, as it seems like it's cheating. I applied for a conventional loan; and, while the down payment was more severe, the terms were favorable. All set, we thought. Then we began working with the seller's Realtor.
I don't want to publicly discuss someone on the web without there consent, so I will change the name of the Realtor to protect the innocent. For the rest of this blog entry, we'll refer to him/her as "Negligent Jackass," or NJ for short. It starts with our Realtor (Colleen Warner, more on her later) attempting to call NJ to set up things- purchase agreements, inspections, etc. NJ responded on their timetable, it seemed. NJ's timetable was also unfortunately blank. At one point Collen called them and threatened, quite effectively, to call every half-hour until she heard a response. That lasted about half a day before NJ at least decided to grace us with their attention.
On the day of the inspection, NJ failed to mention to us that the keys and lockboxes had been changed. Since NJ could not be bothered to come out and get us a key, we were authorized to break in to do the inspection. This type of behavior continued for months until a point in late June when, unexpectedly, NJ had a change of heart. Suddenly NJ had to finish this deal NOW NOW NOW. Our best guess is that the original short sale client was gone and the bank was letting NJ finish the deal he had in process. If it went south, they'd use their guy, and NJ would lose commission.
In a last bit of fun, the appraisers said that the upstairs plumbing would need to be replaced in order to sell the house at their price point. NJ paid the $2,500 bill to fix the plumbing so the deal could go on. At one point, Colleen received a call from NJ asking us to chip in for the repair. This seemed fair to me, since we would have needed to replace the plumbing anyway.
"What do you think I should offer? Half?" I asked.
"I think we should make him ask a few more times." Colleen replied.
By "ask a few more times," Colleen apparently meant leave NJ out to dry until the day before closing when he pressed her again.
"What will your client be willing to pay?" NJ asked, negligently.
"Well, what do you think is fair, [NJ]?" Colleen responded.
"I think half is fairest, don't you?" NJ fired back, jackassedly.
"I think $500 is fair."
"$500! Can't he put in any more than that?" NJ bleated, flabbergasted.
"Well, he's closing on the house tomorrow. Take it or leave it."
Needless to say, NJ took it.
This is where I must put in a shameless plug for our Realtor. If you are in the Twin Cities area and want someone who won't take any guff and will call someone every half hour to fight for you, Colleen Warner, from Elite Realty Pro is your lady. Seriously, I can't stress this enough.
Okay.
So, now we live in a beautiful home built in 1902 with an upstairs (somewhat clumsily) remodeled very recently. There are many great little details, including gas lamps, neat old radiators, a clawfoot tub, an upstairs porch in the trees, etc. I'll try to post more pics in the Image Gallery whenever I get a chance.
Coding Projects and Site Updates
I thought I might take a quick segue to pimp a few of the things I've been working on in the site. I'll try to keep the nerd-speak to a minimum, but you know I can't make significant promises in that department.
As previously mentioned, the site now has an Image Gallery. I'm very proud of the look and feel of this library (best viewed in Firefox or a Webkit-based browser such as Google Chrome or Safari). The CSS and client code are progressively enhanced and should work fine in any browser (IE7 or later for Internet Explorer) with or without Javascript enabled. I employed many of the techniques I learned at An Event Apart. If you're a web-head of any flavor, I'd definitely recommend this conference. I learned more in 3 days than I previously thought I could know about web design.
Additionally, I've been working on some back-end enhancements as well. The blog has a brand new library backing the words on the page and if I'd just choose to use it, I could publish blather more easily than ever before. I'm also working on, as per request, a quotation library which will allow people to search the quotations by text or author name. I know how you all love to see your words regurgitated back to you out of context, and I assure you: I'm working on it.
Other Big News!
Elana and I took a trip to Disneyworld in September of 2009 and I proposed to her in the futuristic shadow of Spaceship Earth at Epcot (okay, so I'm a nerd, sue me). She said yes, but it didn't go exactly as I had planned.
I wanted to propose to Elana in Hebrew, so I spent a few nights researching different transliterations of the Hebrew for "Will you marry me" on the internet. Settling on the most commonly agreed pronunciations, I scripted my request on a small piece of paper and stuck it in my wallet. For the first two days of our Disneyworld trip, every bathroom break I'd practice my Hebrew question to myself.
The moment came, late one night in front of Spaceship Earth, under lit by massive spotlights. I got down on one knee and took her hand.
"Ha'im tina' sii li?" I asked, and waited. The pause lasted maybe 5-6 seconds, but it seemed like minutes.
"... Are you asking me to marry you?"
I busted up laughing and shook my head yes. She defended herself by letting me know that when she was in Israel, saying "Will you marry me" in Hebrew didn't come up too often; though, she may have heard it once or twice in Arabic. That's good news for me, if you really think about it. We proceeded to Downtown Disney where we had an ornament made that read:
"Ha'im tina' sii li?"
"... Huh?"
We don't have a date set, as we have sworn to ourselves that we won't go into debt for a wedding; but, we have a ring and I'll try and remember to put the image up in the Image Gallery.
Same Company, New Job - Unix Guru in Training
Finally, I've made a big change at work. My last move as a rotational employee has landed me in the Unix Team at General Mills. I'm learning scripting and system maintenance heretofore unknown by the average power user / developer and loving it. While we may not see the light of day that often, the existence of a sys admin is a peaceful one- so long as the pager doesn't go off.
In Summation...
So, after that bit of rant and ramble where we learned of the yin and yang of the realty profession, delved into the software that I tinker with, learned what I know (and Elana apparently doesn't) of asking people to marry you in Israel, and finally learning why my new cubicle is close to a loud humming machine room, I must sign off. (How is THAT for complicated sentence structure?) I'm going to make the effort to write more often, which means I'll feel it's more inane. That said, it means quotations will be updated more often (no promises, this is not a binding contract).
Be kind to your humble blogger, his ego breaks easily. Good evening all.
This Week's Quotables:
- "Yay, fun with words is... fun..."
~me
"And you'd never know it from that last sentence."
~Elana - "Well, if it snaps, that means it's fast. If it's snap-dragon... well... that's the ultimate."
~Jeff, explaining the meaning of his "Snap Dragon!" exclamation - "My boss ... 'volunteered' me to write a twenty minute keynote for a conference I'm going to sunday, obviously not realizing that's not like an easy endeavor."
~Dorene
"So, you're not going to do it?"
~me
"Uh, yeah, no. I have to do it, but I'm going to complain to you about it."
~Dorene
"Ah, I see."
~me - "Look, it's dehydrated water! It's a light way to carry water around! What a great technology..."
~Brian W. - "I have a problem. I think it's in my brain..."
~me, about my problems - "What's that?"
~Elana
"That's my all-year hall pass..."
~me, about my hall pass from Mr. Yoder
"You were such a teacher's pet!"
~Elana
"Nuh uh, I was his assistant!"
~me - "Have you ever seen the "Clearblue Easy" commercials? I'm sorry, the line, "It's the most sophisticated piece of technology you'll ever pee on," cracks me up."
~Cris, about pregnancy test commercials
"Oh, they can't be sure about that...."
~me - "The Sims? It's kinda' like my life... what's the point?"
~Brian W. - "[He] ... used to watch "Lost." He'd come in every day crying about how he has no one to talk to. We told him to get a life, and then he left our group."
~Jeff, on team solidarity - "Man we were weird... were we stoned?"
~Cris, about our youth
"Not unless we were so stoned we forgot to smoke again."
~me - "This is not the kind of tired I want to be. It doesn't feel like I ran a marathon... it feels like I ate a marathon."
~Mike P., in reference to overeating fatigue - "And there's Jim with his potstickers"
~Mike, on non-exotic appetizers
"What part of 'bite me' do you not understand?"
~Jim - "Is it just me, or do all Twilight Zone episodes take place in Ohio?"
~Elana
"Yeah, The Twilight Zone seems to be just east of Akron."
~me - "You know how I feel about big and scary... small and scared... that's why I call it that!"
~me, on things that are big and scary - "So, Diana, did you see anyone who deserved one of our prizes?"
~Dan M., about a corporate singalong
"(stands slowly) ... No."
~Diana L. - "I like to park the new car and the old car next to each other. Then, their jealousy will drive them to try and impress me."
~me
"How very... Machiavelian of you."
~Elana - "I'm having trouble adjusting my chair."
~me, with reference to my new office
"Is that a metaphor?"
~Dorene - "Once I went ice fishing in an area where we only got country music on the radio. After a few days of that, I felt pretty good about where I stand."
~Jeff F., on country music - "How we doin' on gas, bud?"
~Dan C.
"We're a little under a quarter down."
~me
"We're a little under a quarter down? What the hell does that mean?"
~Mike M. - "I smell cocoa butter..."
~me
"My stripper-sense is tingling!"
~John - "I'm still trying to get all the tables..."
~Tyler
"Oh, yes... my funk this... my funk that..."
~Brian W., about funky tables - "That's why they pay you the big bux [sic]."
~Dad
"Yeah, I know. I'm all professional and sh!t."
~me
"Well put, Golden Throat."
~Dad - "You'd have to take out a second mortgage to get that guy drunk. He's got the strongest tolerance I've ever seen"
~me
"That's a lot of beef to marinate..."
~Dad - "You gave me your card in case I need a car, here's mine in case you need cereal."
~me
"Aaron, if I may be crude, when the f*** do I not need cereal?"
~Matt - "Awesome. My iPod just decided to play Wham!"
~me
"I read an article once... My IPod Shuffle Thinks I'm Gay."
~Andy
"Considering my mix of music, my mini probably thinks I'm a schizophrenic. But point taken. Nevertheless, don't act like you've never listened to "Careless Whisper." "
~me - "In my next life, I want to come back as a cat."
~Cris
"I wanna be a lemur, so I can do that cool thing where they stand up and look left and right like they're watching traffic go by. Sure, I can do that now, but it's not nearly as cute, and I never do it in sync with a whole group."
~me - "I have rotator cuff problems."
~Andy, on why he doesn't play frisbee golf
"Old war injury?"
~me
"Volleyball..... in Nam."
~Andy - "If this were House, he'd be getting sick right now; but, this is Journeyman, so he's going to go back in time"
~me, about sex on TV - "Hey, do you have that old copy of my spreadsheet on your computer?"
~Dan C.
"Actually, I'm pretty dependent on the port-hole."
~me
"You a-hole."
~Dan C. - "If you want peole to see you as king, start with purple. Didn't quite work for Prince, but don't lose heart."
~me, on purple as a royal color on Andy's website
"He's little. Purple on me? That's a lot of purple. We're talking Barney here, not good."
~Andy
"Didn't consider that. Also didn't know you were going to print and wear the web page. I'm no longer certain I want to be a part of this."
~me - "'I program in COBOL!' Yeah, well, I can read Sanskrit, but I don't go telling my employer that we should go to Outlook, Judeah Edition."
~Andy, on archaic programs - "I'm not disagreeing with you. I'm... jumpy."
~Dan C., the best disclaimer ever - "[That] was designed by Soviet engineers."
~Dan C., on utilitarian design - "People who smoke are really into smoking."
~Elana, about gifts for smokers
"It's like heroin to them!"
~me
"Well, people who do heroin are REALLY into heroin!"
~Elana - "I've been listening, and I like what I'm hearing."
~Dan Cook
"Did you hear the part where you suck?"
~Dan Chu - "Fahrenheit is stupid, we should switch to celsius."
~me
"Then we'd never know what time it was!"
~Elana
"... (stares blankly)"
~me - "Your score is twice the absolute value of mine!"
~me, about Elana's You Don't Know Jack score
"... Wow, you're a nerd."
~Elana - "I have that written down, he told us we need to be a$$holes."
~Mike M.
"That's the kind of thing I don't have to write down. I remember when someone tells me to be an a$$hole."
~me - "Yeah, I'll have to follow up on that..."
~Dan C.
"What? Who do you follow up with on this? We own it..."
~Jeff F.
"Umm... me"
~Dan C., on following up with himself - "Hope you own a wok, cause' I just busted yo' grill!"
~Randy, when one vampire hit another in the face in "30 Days of Night" - "Uh oh. Those are numbers... I don't know nothin' bout' no numbers..."
~Dad, about women's clothing sizes - "I think they would consider that a security risk."
~me, explaining why Dan Cook doesn't have access to source control
"Right, not because I'm malicious, but because I'm oafish."
~Dan C. - "So, you made it sound like I am going to mock reports..."
~me
"I never put words in programmers' mouths. I just carefully select from what they said."
~Dan C.
"Oh, so when I said, "I will NOT mock up reports," you decided just to pull the words "mock up reports" and drop them in an e-mail? Did you work for Nixon?"
~me
"He is a personal hero."
~Dan C. - "You hate the command line? Michael... you're breakin' my heart..."
~me
"You have a heart?"
~Michael D. - "How could we resist a female... plot point?"
~Nathan, about women NPCs - "Maybe you'd prefer the Christmas meal being served in the EMERGENCY ROOM, BITCHES! NOW GET THE $%^$ OUTTA MY HOUSE!!"
~Elana, about figgy pudding - "They probably think I just go to the grocery store and roll around in the bulk candy."
~Nick G., about working on food web sites - "We can stay as late as you want, we're paid overtime."
~Jeff
"Oh, yeah! I always wondered why you were always more happy about that than I was..."
~me
"We always knew."
~Jeff - "When your nickname is part of your name as a polynomial, attention to detail is key."
~me - "I don't even know how I still have a job. Lets go WYSIWYG with this mo-fo!"
~Nick, about the visual studio designer - "We need to use absolute positioning here..."
~Nick
"Wait, didn't you say not to use absolute positioning?"
~me
"It is the devil, but sometimes ya' gotta' ask for favors."
~Nick, about absolute positioning - "Um, I'm no math-e-ma-tist, but that sounds wrong..."
~me - "Boil, dammit! I'm watching you!"
~me, to a pot
"I think your childhood may have been cliche-deprived."
~Elana - "They couldn't find a dog to eat that homework..."
~Adam, in reference to 'creative' design - "This tendency of programmers to gravitate to conserving characters in their syntax is highly annoying. The outlandish devaluation of guidance and simplicity at the expense of so-called elegance, a couple drops of ink, and a few bytes of disk space is beyond my ability to comprehend, let alone excuse. Grrrr."
~Dan C., ranting at programmers' tendency to write incomprehensible code - "Dynamically linked libraries are the devil's playthings."
~me, in reference to DLL hell - "I used to go to the doctor because of a ringing in my ears, and he told me I have tinnitus and will just have to get used to it."
~David P.
"I used to think I had the same problem, but there was just a guy following me going 'EEEEEEEE!'"
~Adam S. - "MALM! The battle cry of the Sweedish bed-ridden!"
~me, in reference to our new bed - "Did you hear Disney is planning on doing a version of "Anne Frank?""
~me
"What, as, like, a cartoon musical?!"
~Elana
"I hope not. Otherwise, the Nazis would find her much earlier in the story..."
~me - "I just remembered that I have eidetic memory!"
~me, roleplaying (rather poorly) - "See, Dan, here's why we see things so differently yet get along so well: I walk into a room and assume I'm the least important person there and am very disappointed when I'm right. You walk into a room, think you're integral to the process, and are very disappointed when you're wrong."
~me, on why Dan C. and I are friends - "Come to think of it, we really should think about moving to the barter system. If there's one thing I don't have enough of around the house, it's bolts of calico. Oh, and milled barley. Maw and Paw could use some milled barley for tradin' with the Injuns."
~Elana - "Hurray! We're ahead of schedule by redaction!"
~me, in reference to requirements shrinking - "Dogs are cute until they're dead."
~John
"Arf arf gasp?"
~Chris - "It's like an evil Care Bear stare..."
~Elana
"Care Bear GLARE!"
~Chris - "What is that?"
~David
"A random pit of molten lava that they apparently keep around for no discernable reason."
~Elana
"So, they die?"
~David
"Yes..."
~Elana - "I love you, Daddy... please don't fart on me."
~David - "Put that on your quote page, b!tch!"
~John - "Oops, that was supposed to be funny... I'm morbid..."
~Cris - "Don't [mess] with my Peter Parker. I will thwip-thwip the heck out of you."
~John - "I'm not trying to be facetious..."
~me, trying to have a serious conversation about business
"Did you know that facetious has all 5 vowels?"
~Adam S.
"... (blinks)... What?"
~me
"And, they're in order!"
~Adam S. - "Did you sneak that danish past Jason?"
~Nina
"It's like an underground railroad for pastries!"
~me - "Say no more, you had me at douchebag."
~Nina, in reference to Kangols - "It's the height of rudeness to beat someone to death with his own kin."
~Nathan - "Why do they always let the dog drive?"
~me, about Snoopy in Peanuts cartoons
"Because he's the only sober one...?"
~Chris C. - "This is a time when I'll ask you to be ethical, but not necessarily honest."
~Brian C. - "Nathan is a strict game daddy."
~Elana, when role playing - "You have the best stories that no one can verify!"
~Dawn S. - "Okay, let me wipe out those kids first."
~Hayley
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: The Alan Parsons Project - Amonia Avenue
Comments:
I know I never link here to my LiveJournal, but this is important to me.
A Tribute to One of My Truest Friends
This Week's Quotables:
Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: none
Comments:
oh shiznatz!!!
-Posted by uberdark on Monday, May 21, 2007 at 4:33 pm:
i just realized i made a funny about a dog and then read your blog on your best friend. soo very very sorry aaron. it was not meant as a way of demeaning your dog. seriously i read it after i made the joking quote. i miss smokey my favorite dog too. sorry again.
Reply
So, how does one cover all I've not covered since the last time I had a real blog? Well, I suspect that this random verbiage will come in waves. Prepare yourself for wave one: from the move to now-ish.
The State Fair - Same Tradition with Different People in a Different State
Okay, perhaps it's a stretch to call this an extension of a tradition this early, but I'm trying to plant some roots here. Elana and I went to the fair with longtime-residents and new found friends Mike and Ellyn. The state fair here in Minnesota is considered a much bigger deal than it is in Indiana. This great Minnesota get together had much to offer, including (but not limited to): overgrown gopher police, alligator nuggets, cheese in all of its natural fried forms, and some bizarre imagery.
Several of the differences between this and the Hoosiers' fair are already highlighted by James Lileks. Considering that I took very few clear pictures of the fair, I'll link Lilek's best here (directly to his site, so that you can hear his take). First, in Indiana some impressively hairy people attend the fair; however, they do not have rent-a-cop rodents. "Excuse me, sir, but you're going to have to move out of foot traffic. I will not take acorns as bribes, sir." Second, the Indiana state fair has convenient and frequent garbage receptacles. They do not, however, have these garbage receptacles. Can't sleep, clowns will eat my trash... High-octane nightmare fuel.
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Lastly, we do not have one of these. Best I can figure from my restructuring of history (ie. speculation and lies), this wood-cut statue hearkens back to when the communist big birds dropped their iron-curtain on the lands of the capitalist gophers. However, their economic paradise was as imaginary as their best pal Comrade Snuffleupagus. After the fall of the USSR (Union of Sesame Street Republics), the gophers were freed of the chains of socialism and could once again roam the streets. That, or this is the product of drug-induced creativity. Either way, very interesting! |
| The art hall also held some surreal images only feasible at a state fair. This hairy buffalo sat above the crowd atop the cabinets full of entries. He guards the art as only a large rope-buffalo can. If you tilt the cabinet too much, he'll fall on you, and he's sure to be quite heavy. |
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| While the sights proved to be very fulfilling, the tastes were even more so. Elana and I tried many standard fair fare as well as a few items I'd not had available to me in Indiana. |
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First, we bought some fried cheddar on a stick. Believe it or not, this is all there is to it. They dip cheddar in corn dog batter and serve it to the unsuspecting coronary victim. Good times. Second, Elana and I tried the always available deep-fried Twinkie. This item proves that you can, indeed, get too much of a good thing. The batter, sweetened by powdered sugar, combined with the inner cream filling of the pastry served to alert me to every cavity I have, could have, or ever did have. Next, we moved on to the exotic jerky booth. I bought some ostrich and alligator jerky and spent the next two hours trying to chew through the vacuum packaging. Next year, I will bring my pocket scissors. To continue with out alligator trend, we tried a stand selling deep-fried alligator nuggets. It tastes like what chicken would taste like if it cross-bread with calamari. I loved it, but it's not for everyone. Lastly, we ate some deep-fried cheese curds. This was my favorite moment of the fair. After traveling through Wisconsin a few times, I've discovered that there are few things I wouldn't do for cheese curds. Add deep-frying to that equation, and I'm a happy man.
While I was impressed with the food and sights of the fair, the midway left a lot to be desired. We didn't even stay to ride the rides, though one was intriguing. As you can see from Lileks's pictures, the ride appears to emulate what it would be like to swing from an Amazon's bust as they danced in a circle. Its weirdness held my attention for a few minutes, but we quickly moved on.
So, with fried cheese, soul-eating clowns, hairy rope buffalo, buxom midway rides and formerly-communist gophers, the Minnesota state fair is not better or worse than Indiana's. It's just very different.
One Year and Counting
Elana and I celebrated our one-year anniversary last September (yes, yes, I know, I'm way behind on keeping you all up to date). We decided to spend it in beautiful Taylor's Falls, Minnesota. It was quite memorable; we had a lot of romance, a little adventure, and a bladder infection.
First, we stayed at the lovely Old Jail Bed and Breakfast, which is actually built out of a jail house. The building was built in 1884 next to a tavern and contained four cells. The current proprietor bought it in 1981 and turned it into a bed and breakfast. It had an interesting layout inside, including old-world decorations (old fashioned shackles, etc). Despite the jail overtones, they had dressed the place up nicely with a fully stocked kitchen and a decent sitting area complete with a small stereo and some old 78 rpm records.
Second, and unexpectedly, we went on a dinner cruise on the St. Croix river. While wandering around Taylor's Falls, Elana and I stumbled on a dock with a riverboat just about to depart. I was skeptical, considering that they take reservations for this kind of thing, but Elana decided it couldn't hurt to ask if they'd take a couple of walk-ons. Much to my surprise, they would, so we boarded. They took us down the river showing us the sights, including the cross rock formation for which it was named. In addition, they fed us prime rib. Not too shabby. There was also live music playing above deck, so after sunset, Elana and I went above to listen and look at the river at night. The only hitch was that the weather turned against us. Cold wind blew us hard enough that the captain had to try three times just to park.
When we arrived back at our bed and breakfast, Elana informed me that she had picked up an obligatory bladder infection (necessary for all anniversaries). So, I pulled out the trusty laptop and we curled up in the glow of a few episodes of Angel.
| Finally, the next morning, we went on our last adventure: a canoing trip down the St. Croix river. It is important to note here that we were the only two people at the canoe rental area, and the person renting the canoes had hoped that everyone would decide against taking their outdoor adventure on account of the cold and high winds. We were un-fazed, however, and procured our vessel. |
The going was rough down the river, and after shifting me to the back (apparently it was a bad idea to have most of the weight in the front), we were making decent progress. We got to the first stop in Osceola and scoffed. We were going for the whole stretch!
| After nearly getting stuck under a bridge as the winds continually pushed us back, we entered a shallow area. We weren't making good progress as we couldn't put our oars as deep as we normally did. In order to get some leverage, we leaned further to push off the bottom. This would have been a fine idea had we not both picked the same side of the canoe. I still remember the cold of the water as I watched the boat sink two feet down and get stuck in the sand. |
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After wasting a good fifteen minutes trying to right our stuck canoe, Elana tried her cell phone (which had been underwater just previously). By some karmic miracle, it worked, and we waited another forty minutes for our hero, the game warden.
A small boat who's motor was very clearly on its last sea legs pulled up, and the game warden stepped out and helped me tip our canoe and tie it to his boat. He was the epitome of Minnesota Nice. He noted a lack of an uff da accent, and asked us where we were from. On our boat ride, we shivered and told him the complicated story of how a Northeasterner and Hoosier came to capsize in the St. Croix.
When we got back to the nearest dock, he called canoe rental and they sent the bus to pick up their lost customers. He then turned the heat in his truck on full blast, had us climb in, and informed us that he'd give us something to eat, but all he had were MRE's. See below for more information. As the bus pulled up, he gave us an MRE to satiate our curiosity and wished us well in our future travels.
So, for our anniversary, Elana and I got dinner on a river, got jailed, got capsized, and got military food. Despite the misadventure, it was quite romantic and nothing if not memorable.
An MRE - Dissecting a Military Meal
I realize that I glossed over the concept of an MRE above. I felt that this subject deserves closer examination. An MRE is a "Meal Ready to Eat-" standard rations for our soldiers in combat. Our new game warden friend informed us that he enjoys them a great deal, but not everyone is so keen.
He told us an interesting story, and while I question the truth in it, it makes for a great punchline. During the famine in Ethiopia, the United States airdropped MREs on the country as a form of humanitarian aide. Despite classes led by American soldiers on how to prepare the meals, many of the Ethiopians refused to eat them. Therefore, many of the soldiers began referring to the MREs as "Meals Rejected by Ethiopians."
While we haven't been bold enough to prepare and try the meal yet, I did dissect its contents to quench my own curiosity. In addition, I've taken pictures to share with you all. Here are my findings. (Feel free to click the pictures for a closer look.)
| The outer package provides a solid layer of protection, as I could barely get the damn thing open. It's water proof, crush proof, and apparently civilian resistant. Sadly, since I've torn open the bag, I'll never be able to take my ration noodle kit on a commercial flight. |
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Upon first examination of the contents, two things immediately jump out at me. One, anything military must be lacking in any color but brown. Two, the only exception to the color rule is M & M's. Not plain, but peanut. We don't want no sissy M & M's here. |
| This I found very intriguing. Did you know that the key ingredient in pears is pears (which has a key ingredient of pears)? Thinking about this too long made my head hurt. I'm glad they stopped the infinitely recursive madness three steps down. I only have 20 GB on my site to describe this stuff. |
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"Dear Mom and Dad, Forgive the chicken noodle stains, but here in the field we have to improvise. War time is tough, but the boys and I have kept spirits up by having long discussions about the ingredients in pears. Please send some palatable food..." |
| For this last one, you'll have to click to get the full effect. The instructions are almost insultingly simple: "Food gives you energy. The more energy you burn, the more food you need." I half expected the meal to come with a diagram showing me the difference between an enemy who is near and an enemy who is far. Nevertheless, this was the most shocking part of all: this pouch contains 1,200 to 1,300 calories. Pure carbs keeps our military going. |
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Home for (one of) the Holidays
Thanksgiving this year came unfortunately close to Elana's surgery. So, instead of going home, Crystal and her new beau Stephen came here. Crystal has gone decidedly cybernetic, as she updated her progress via an away message. When she hit traffic, we knew and prepared accordingly (as in, didn't compensate for starting late on the meal). It's like tracking a package containing your best friend. Very nice.
The meal was a pre-packaged deal from the local grocery store which required significantly less preparation than the standard bird. Good thing, too. Elana was not in a mood to work in a kitchen all day and my culinary prowess is surpassed only by my ability to do effective brain surgery with a wrench. All turned out quite well.
The next day we went to the Mall of America, which turned out to be a disappointment for Stephen because, despite being massive, it's laid out in such a way that you can't get lost. We also introduced them to Katamari Damacy and Apples to Apples.
| For those who don't know, Apples to Apples is a game of wit. Everyone has 5 cards in their hands with random nouns on them. Each person takes a turn being the judge who pulls a green apple card containing an adjective, and everyone lays down the noun they think best matches it. The game quickly turned politically incorrect. I'll say no more and let the picture say a thousand words of wrongness. |
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For Christmachanukwanzayule, we went home and spent some time with friends and family. Our first excursion was to Summer's house, where I got her addicted to Wonderfalls (and if you haven't seen it, go rent it, it's brilliant).
Then, we had a holiday party at Dorene's. We did a white-elephant book exchange, where we swapped books we previously owned and wanted others to read. I brought Woebegon Boy, by Garrison Keilor. Truth be told, my claim that it was an introduction to Minnesota culture was untrue. I simply didn't have time to buy any new books before we got there. Thankfully, it landed in the hands of Callie, who never complains about anything. Then we played Trivial Pursuit, which continued the tradition of torturing ourselves with the game during the holidays. Many of this entry's quotations came from the game.
We had the typical Christmas at my grandma's with all the trappings, including an overabundance of food. Then we moved on to Elana's mom's condo for a holiday feast. Great fun was had by all, and I even got some candy from her uncle Bob that had originally been given to him (the tag still said to: Bob- he's very much against candy). The family time was a nice return to the familiar for both of us, having been so recently uprooted to a new city and new digs.
For New Years, we ended up at Aly and John's, the same party where we were introduced. I also learned, to my dismay, that I've developed a tolerance for alcohol. After many many drinks, I barely got buzzed. Still, I got to ring in the New Year with the prettiest girl at the party surrounded by friends. Can't beat that.
So, we had turkey ala' Aaron and the grocery store while playing politically incorrect games, addicted a friend to a TV show (a prerequisite for me), pursued trivia with hilarious results, relaxed with some family time, and failed to get drunk for the New Year. Happy holidays indeed.
A Way to a Man's Heart is Through His White Castle
Elana has been ordered by those concerned with her health to eat meat. Apparently, after surgery, it's important to be able to regenerate blood, and meat is the way to do that. Despite that, I was surprised at her suggestion for Valentines Day dinner: White Castle.
When she asked, I had to make certain she wasn't kidding and that I wasn't dreaming. After about five times asking, "Are you serious?" I was ready to make reservations.
I should explain that, for Valentine's Day, White Castle sets the mood by candlelight and takes your orders at the table. The unusual atmosphere of the event was both romantic and fun, and we actually got to eat what we both love: slyders.
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After we finished with our meals, we took our combined boxes and built a White Castle of our own. We have been informed that this picture will appear at a corporate meeting. Hey, we're famous! |
The rest of our evening was spent in, watching TV and cuddling. All in all, it was the perfect Valentine's Day: low key, but romantic and memorable.
General Mills: Thoughts on the Job
The nickname of "Generous Mills" is well earned. My benefits here are amazing, and the culture is set up around having the best talent and helping them steer their careers the direction they want to go.
| Right now, I work in supply chain and develop applications used by the plants using Oracle's PL/SQL and some Microsoft .NET. I've also been able to leverage my HTML experience to bring some of my own flavor to the table. While it took a while to get settled in and used to the position, now it feels like home. |
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All in all, I feel very blessed. I'm in a place where I can put what I learned to work while also enjoying what I do. Despite the growing pains of relocating, I'm very pleased with where I am and what I'm doing.
Plus, when I tell people I work for General Mills, they actually have some conception of what we do. None of my prior IT jobs had that bonus.
Technology Notes
I'm considering doing a separate tech blog to handle all of this stuff. I'm very excited about a few of my own pet projects. Those who are interested can read along and let me know what they think.
First, I installed a Subversion server on Cloud (my Linux server), and it is far superior to any version control software I've ever used. I've weaned myself off of CVS pretty quickly and am very glad I did. If you write code, you ought to try Subversion, it has kept me from making some major bonehead mistakes when updating and archiving my programs.
Second, and speaking of code, I've begun work on my own framework for PHP developers who want to create Web 2.0 applications. Essentially, it allows the developer to use RPC to make calls to the server and update the page without reloading the whole thing. The best part is that the developer doesn't have to touch the underlying Javascript if they don't want to. I call it the Data Abstraction and Delivery System for PHP, or DADS PHP. Check out the link to see a proof of concept. I'll make the source available when I'm confident that it isn't complete crap.
Lastly, and most obviously to the users, I've updated the blog. Now people can comment directly on the blogs I write. In addition, it has some minor bot protection with a "visual recognition code." I'm very proud of it. Feel free to comment here instead of my link in LJ.
Well, now that I've written a short novel to catch everyone up to speed, I have another blog coming (hopefully soon, but you never know with me) that should cover some more of the missing time between the move and the last blog from Indiana. Check here for updates soon!
This Week's Quotables:
- "God said, 'Hey, you play with fire, you get burned.' I'm gonna stay away from fire."
~Cris
"So, now you're playing with wet matches?"
~me, explanation unavailable - "He's always talking about taking a road trip, and I'd rather eat glass"
~Mom, talking about a road trip with Dad - "Battered potatoes? Is that, like, a shelter?"
~Ellyn, about a food stand at the fair
"I had a thousand eyes, and I never saw it coming!"
~me - "That's why I love being a contractor. I don't have to talk to anybody."
~John W. - "Over the weekend, I was tossing my cookies, and then money... I mean Monday..."
~Andy, about being sick
"That was a weird Freudian slip"
~me
"If I puked money, I'd be bulemic, and you can quote me on that."
~Andy - "This damage control application was just supposed to be a quick homebrew."
~me
"Whoa, it's making beer now?"
~Jeff
"Nah, then we'd have errors all the time."
~me
"Yeah, but we wouldn't care!"
~Jeff - "Hey, it's Ronald McDonald at 8:45 in the morning! Do I take your fruit salad or punch you in the face?"
~John W. - "We have a Korean office that's running off of ColdFusion."
~Mike
"Oh, yeah. I used to do ColdFusion in my old job."
~me
"Well, you're going to Korea."
~Mike - "Isn't that cool, Daddy? Microsoft Word's autonumbering knows to put 2 after 1!"
~Jeff's daughter, as imitated by Jeff
"Well, actually hon, sometimes that's a pain in the a$$."
~Jeff - "Hey Jill, it says here that my IDP will help me gain power and influence."
~Mike P.
"Bwa ha ha ha ha!"
~Jill - "Our anniversary was lovely, aside from the bladder infection and the capsizing."
~Elana - "I love how no one notices that he's crapping his pants periodically."
~Elana, about Hiro from Heroes - "Everybody's always worried about explicit sex. Me? I'm worried about implicit sex. Sex I don't even know I'm having."
~me - "I just stared at it slack jawed. This is back when I had the option to be slack jawed."
~Elana, on Katamari and surgery - "The only thing better than a bad pun is a lingering bad pun."
~Cris - "I never valued my anal-virginity anyway."
~Elana, about prison - "I can't, Dad! I'm hackin' the 'puter!"
~Jeff's daughter - "See, he said cream cheese erection!"
~Elana, about Richard Cheese singing "Rock the Casbah"
"Actually, hon, I think that's the wind changed direction."
~me - "You cut my pee off at the knees and made it a D."
~Elana, no explanation available - "There are about 200 realistic invitations, but about 50 invitations are unrealistic."
~Sherri, while planning a wedding
"What about the surrealistic invitations, the invitations written on fish?"
~me - "I don't know if leg tumors quiver, I mean... I'll go out on a limb, no pun intended."
~Andy - "Caille just learned that you can't put the $h!t back in the horse."
~Andy - "Who makes Atari?"
~Erin
"Uh, Atari."
~me - "What causes bakers' itch?"
~me, asking a Trivial Pursuit question
"Syphalis!"
~Callie - "I'm old and I'm still awake..."
~Chris P.
"But that's from the pain."
~Andy - "What event sparked the installation of the Hot Line?"
~me, reading a Trivial Pursuit question
"The murder of Kitty Genovese!"
~Elana
"WHAT!?"
~everyone - "So, we were perusing the blow-up dolls and..."
~Erin, on sex shops - "She missed that."
~Dad
"I heard my name and knew you said some asshole thing!"
~Mom - "You're not all bad! You're not half good, but you're not all bad!"
~Randy, about Lola - "These are my Myspace pictures, where I look hotter than I actually am because they are taken from weird angles."
~Summer, on the mechanics of Myspace photos - "If that's true, then I'm gonna need a gun... and one bullet... to shoot myself."
~Dominic - "CALL FROM EH-RHIN..."
~Holly's cell phone, in a distorted voice
"That phone's the devil! Throw it away!"
~Ehren - "I feel really bad for him, and I don't even know him."
~Mike P. - "I'd pay to see [him] sing."
~me
"I'd pay to... not."
~Jill - "Uh... lets not try to make a good idea better."
~Mike P. - "My job is just that, a job. I use the money from my job to participate in activities that fulfill me. I do realize that if I had a job that fulfilled me, I would be able to do things like eat or sleep inside. It's a tradeoff that I've made"
~Andy, philosophising about career paths - "You need to cross your eyes... I mean, cross your t's and dot your i's..."
~Vaishali - "You know what I haven't had in the longest time?"
~Elana
"Brocco-flower."
~me
"Um, well, I've never had brocco-flower."
~Elana
"Right. From here back to never is infinite, and there can be no time longer than infinity."
~me
"Okay, you know what I haven't had in the hyperbolic longest time?"
~Elana
Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Duran Duran - Want You More
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